Posted by: suek2001 | January 6, 2015

“For the children and the flowers….”

Growing older is an interesting to me. The ideas I had about how my life would and should be have changed over the years…

Dreams turn into survival and beliefs turn into lifestyle…

I am single..never married..never had kids..and never wanted to…

I grew up as an only child..so I have a self-centered mindset that comes from being the only child…I never babysat any neighborhood kids..If I wanted extra money, I would do extra chores…

I never really liked kids…In theory, they are cute and have a great joy in discovery but in reality, they are loud, whiny and out of control…at least that’s what I thought for years…

I am older now and I still don’t have desire to have kids….I just can’t fathom being a parent..and trying to teach children all that I know about life…

Maybe it’s because, I know so little about life..and at times, it feels like I am making it up as I go along…

So,why am I thinking about kids now? I used to joke that in order for me to like kids, they had to be over the age of ten..and stay fifty feet from me at all times…I’ve relaxed that rule but given my druthers, I would rather sit around adults in a church service than kids any day…

I think the older I get, the more I wonder about who will take care of me in my old age? Who will visit me when my body and mind start to fail? I wonder how that will all be?

Of course, I think about the Scripture that says “Don’t worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself”…and I realize that if I want children merely to serve me than it is a selfish reason….

Still, I wonder if there’s something wrong with me that I have never had the desire to have or raise children. I have friends that adore their kids…and friends that KNEW they wanted to raise kids. Then, I know friends that desired for children but were never able to have them…and then there’s me…

Maybe God knew what kind of mother I would be and skipped giving me that desire? Maybe God knew that to reach people with HIS truth, I had to be childless as the best way to minister?

Someday, I shall know…but for now, I wonder…

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