Posted by: suek2001 | September 2, 2014

“No one’s looking over my shoulder….”

I woke up early this morning…Had to call Mom and wish her a “Happy Anniversary”…35 years ago today, we moved from Minneapolis to Florida…Big step of faith for her..She still calls Florida home…I now live in Duluth…

I remember elements of that day..it was my eighth birthday….I turn 43 today…

My vocabulary has gotten a bit better..my worldview has changed but there are times I feel like I’m still that little girl wondering what the next chapter of my life will be…

It is amazing .. They say when you are younger, you can’t wait to be an adult…and when you’re an adult, you’d trade it all to be a kid again.

I am not sure I feel that way. About the only thing I regret about my aging is that when I trip and fall now,, it takes a week before my muscles to stop hating me…Whereas, 20 years ago, we had a better relationship within days.

My life has only gotten better with age. I love the knowledge and experience I have gained over the past 43 years. I love that I know what joy, sadness and true loss feels like.

In all the pain in life, comes empathy…Empathy brings understanding…and understanding leads to peace…

God has blessed me with so much…We’ve had our moments and I’ve used language that sailors love, to voice my frustration with Him…Yet, He still loves me..still blesses me…

Today, I must go to work at my job…I tried asking for it off but I don’t have enough seniority..and that’s also the beauty of being born near Labor Day…

I woke up to sunshine..clear blue skies…and low humidity…and a ship coming into the Duluth Ship Canal…The simple rewards of living in Duluth…

I have had a birthday dinner already this week..celebrated with friends and Church family…and my birthday box from my mother is winging it’s way here….

I really don’t know what else I could ask for…I suppose an outside observer could say that I need a husband, kids and a job with prestige but those things will either happen when they need to or IF they need to.

I remember when I was a kid, all I asked for was a “Hot Wheels Sto-and Go Parking Garage”…..I never got it…and I wound up being okay….

As I got older, I got clothes…and back to school supplies..and the occasional John Denver record….

Now, when people ask me, what do I want for my birthday? I draw a blank….as I am so blessed with so much in the emotional and physical..all I want is to be with people that care and love me…

..not to receive their affections but to give them mine…

There is an air of bittersweetness to this..September 2nd means Fall is on the way…and with that, the glorious Minnesota Winter…sigh…

Still, this year has been blessed one already with a trip to Florida…a trip to Scottsdale and picnics with friends and laughs galore.

I am so happy to be 43…I still have a bit of youthful looks and a LOT of youthful exuberance…I am blessed for I have most of my faculties working(my hearing isn’t what it used to be) but my health overall is decent.

Three years ago, I worried about turning 40..Now, I lose track of how old I am…Then I felt a sense of freedom that comes from not carrying the burdens of others expectations…Now, I just have to be me..and remember proper table manners when out with others….

I share this week of birthdays with other people…most notably John Stewart the late, great singer-songwriter…He was “born in the heat of September”..Sept. 5th to be exact…and he wrote a song years ago that I heard a bit after my 40th birthday..It rings true today:

“I was born in the heat of September

Died in the cool of the fall

Oh borning and dying, we do it all the time

And it don’t mean much of nothing at all

Now there’s no one looking over my shoulder

No one’s putting nothing on me

You know sometimes I even believe it

And I know how it feels to be free”

—from “Cooler Water, Higher Ground…written by John Stewart…

There is some truth in that lyric…being born..and dying don’t mean much but it’s what we do with the middle that matters..

It took me years to beleive my life mattered..to me..to God..and to others….I’m glad it does…and here’s to another 43 years….

Here’s is a link to the song “Cooler Water, Higher Ground”:

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Responses

  1. Happy Birthday dear friend. 🙂


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