Posted by: suek2001 | October 27, 2013

We lived every day like the first or the last one….

October 27th has come again……and I am a bit melancholy..as is typical for me….yet, for a different reason…

Dennis Mertz was my best friend…a transformative figure in my life…Everything about me changed when I met him..my goals..my dreams..my faith…my personality….I only knew him for a year in college but it was a grand year….and when he died…true to form….that transformed me too…

18 years later……I recall that time as my own version of dark night of the soul…..Glad it’s done and am better for it…

I’ve written about that time and his life and story elsewhere so I won’t go into it here..but my reasoning for being sad is that I no longer mourn him in the traditional sense….

I celebrate that my life took the turn it did when he died…

I was looking for pictures to post on Facebook of him and realized how much my life has changed…The pictures were in an old box with other news articles and such….

In the 18 years since his passing, I have rediscovered a love for the Kingston Trio..I have opened my heart to people of faith’s different than mine..I have moved to a great city..surrounded myself with a myriad of good friends both locally and around the world through the miracle of the Internet and the Happening known as Fantasy Camp…

I wouldn’t trade these last 18 years for anything….I’ll take the good and the bad..and all the personal hells I’ve been through because that has given me empathy for others when they go through similar things…and I know I  can pray for them and know God will direct their lives the way they need to go..just as he did mine….

So, when tomorrow comes I’ll feel a bit of sorrow that his death is not the pall over my life that it was for so many years..instead it is merely a chapter of darkness and light..strength and weakness…triumph and loss…..

Plus, my joy is knowing that Dennis Mertz is with God..healed of diabetes..and taken out of the dire financial straits he was in….

I’ll close with his own words…

“Despite my limitations, God uses

Despite limited openess, God penetrates…

Despite our selfishness, God blesses”

—–Dennis Mertz ,1995

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  1. […] https://suek2001.wordpress.com/2013/10/27/we-lived-every-day-like-the-first-or-the-last-one/ […]


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