Posted by: suek2001 | September 1, 2012

As my 40th year wraps up….

My Mom pointed out that my 21st birthday party was twenty years ago this week…at that moment, I felt my age…and then realized as fun as that night was, it doesn’t compare with where I am at now…..

I wrote last year about the dread I felt about turning 40…I shouldn’t have been so dramatic about it…

My 40th birthday was really nice..just perfect…got to go to the local zoo(pre-flood)..had dinner at a great buffet…and then a relaxing bonfire before going home to find someone sent me an autographed Kingston Trio polo shirt….

In the past year that I have embraced my personality and my heart a little more…and have come to realize that I have nothing left to prove to anyone else but myself…

I feel like I have triumphed by being able to take whatever life has thrown at me and survived it and in some cases thrived in it…

When I was younger, the fear of rejection and mockery were what drove me….I really didn’t want to fail..and didn’t know if I had the confidence to get up and try again…

Now, that’s mostly changed….It’s not that I believe in myself..it’s just that I don’t care if I fail….I’ve had all that heartache already..I think I can handle it better…

 

So, my writing career may finally take off now…and if it doesn’t , that’s okay…at least I gave it a shot…and didn’t hide from my talent in fear….

One of the most remarkable changes in my personality in the last few years has been my willingness to let my personality truly shine..whether it’s singing out loud at random or going up to people I don’t know and talking to them..

For me, my recent trip to the Kingston Trio Fantasy Camp was the ultimate test….I have always been shy in a large crowd…they intimidate me beyond words…and my biggest fear was sitting in the back of the room just watching and not participating…and feeling like I was an outsider…as I tend to tell myself whenever I can’t find a group to fit into….and I really didn’t want to do that for this trip was just too important to me..

For the most part, I was out there..in the jam circles..or just nearby…sitting with people..or hanging around with people…or maybe I was hovering but I was more involved than I thought I would be…and yeah, there were moments I felt like I didn’t belong but I had to correct myself and make things right…and matured enough to set things right and wound up enjoying myself even more….

I will take all the memories and music of that Camp with me but I will take the fact that I was more extroverted than I ever dreamed of being as the strongest lesson I learned there..

..and as my 40th year wraps up, the joy I find in friends, family, my Church..my City..my music and even myself, is the greatest gift I have received this past year…and it can only get better….

 

 

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Responses

  1. Gee whiz … didn’t realize you were in your FIFTH decade!!! Well … anyway welcome to middle age and enjoy it while it lasts!!! Be sure to make the most of it too!! Sincerest wishes for the happiest of days …. and tickets to the next FC!!

  2. Sue, your forgot about the honor of seeing the grizzly bear pee in your general direction on your 40th. Happy 41st.


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