Posted by: suek2001 | May 5, 2010

Where I am today!


I just wrote about where I was ten years ago today. I thought I would take the time to ponder where I am today.

Literally, I am sitting in my living room in my 7th floor apartment in Duluth, MN. I am typing into my laptop(which despises me but that’s a whole ‘nuther blog) with a Vitamin Water nearby.

Enough of the mundane details of my life. As Tom Bergeron once said in reference to Twitter, “If people really care about what kind of sandwich I had for my lunch, then they really need a life”.

Let me start this entry by saying (or typing) I love to ponder the wherefores and whys of my life, of the world around me and the future for us all. So, with the anniversary in mind, I watched several movies over the weekend that get me to thinking of various stages in life.

I started out with the “Truman Show”…followed that with “Stranger Than Fiction” and am wrapping it up with “Big”.

What I love about these movies is the questions they pose. What if you could change your life from what everyone told you it was to be? Would you? How would you? Would the results be worth it?

One of the things that scared me on Graduation day was the command that was given to us in that auditorium. Bible College grads are a different breed. We not only have to find careers but we also must make a spiritual difference in our world. Whether it be saving souls, teaching the gospel to kids or living consistently holy lives. It is a charge unto all of us. I never was comfortable with that.

To this day, I have never led anyone to Christ through a prayer nor have I have helped villagers in a foreign country set up clean drinking water or built a school. If I have done any of these things, it was done through the distance of prayers and donations.

So, as of ten years later, I think I have failed on those counts. It’s obvious to anyone who knows me that I don’t have a job worthy of my degree but I know I am not alone in this department.

So, you would think that I would be dissatisfied with my life at this point. The weird things is that I am not.

I have tried to live my life as pleasing unto Him. I have offered support and prayers to various people in my church and in my community. I consider myself a decent friend to several people and I am content with the choices I have made.

It was interesting as I listened to one of my favorite Caedmon’s Call albums this morning. The angst, the joy and the doubts all poured out in song. For me, this album captured all my emotions from my time in college. Yet, this morning, all I could do was smile as I listened. The songs still mean something to me yet, my spirit isn’t as unsure as it was ten years ago.

I chose the path I needed to walk. I am single by choice. I live in Duluth by choice and I attend a small but awesome church by choice. Yet, it was God who directed my path here. I have a close friend that I will celebrate this day with. I am so thankful for that. In the past ten years, I have struggled with direction as to what jobs to take, what friends to have and moral decisions to make. I’ve made mistakes but overall, I am happy with where I am now.

My life may not look good to others on paper but that is their judgment to make. No one from North Central can live my life but me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, to borrow a line from last night’s rerun of “Frasier”, “Yes, in the grand scheme of things, I am happy”.


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